Saturday, 17 March 2012

Grief

My father in law died yesterday.

A week ago today we were called to hospital. We were shown straight into the relatives room and for a moment thought we were too late. In some respects we were too late. He was unconscious and never did regain consciousness. Doctors told us his body was closing down, he wouldn't survive; we knew what to expect.

Two days later I went on holiday, with the children, leaving Craig home alone.

How did that happen? How on earth did I come to leave my husband when I knew he was travelling to the hospital every day to watch his father slip away? It happened because he told me to, and for once, I shut up and accepted that perhaps he did have a deeper understanding of his feelings than I have of them.

I agreed to adopt his views and wishes, in relation to a situation which affected him first and foremost. I managed to resist the urge to superimpose my feelings, and what would be my wishes, onto the situation.

So what did I do all week?

I ate charred potatoes cooked in an open fire in the woods.



I went to bed very early and wrote reams of thoughts, feelings, ideas and dreams.



I paused to look at pretty patterns.




I made apple crumble at a luxurious pace, with a cheeky glass of chardonnay on the side.




I wondered at the beauty that is nature..



..and how all things leave their imprint on this world that we live in.



I found solace in a sock - and Miles had a spanking new pair all done and dusted to travel home in!



I'm thankful that my father in law had, by and large, the life I think he wished for. I'm also glad that even a sad situation like this can reveal something really positive to me.

Cheers Ronnie! I'll raise a glass to you this night, and having listened to your boy, am back where I belong, feeling recharged and ready to give freely of myself. Sleep tight. xx

5 comments:

Amanda said...

sorry to hear this Claire. Glad you can see the possitives and pleased you are feeling re-charged. xx

Sarah said...

Much love to you all xx

Bridget said...

So sorry, thinking of you all.

Odet Mark Aszkenasy said...

I am so sorry to hear about this and am very sad for Craig, you and all of your family. I'm sure he played a big part in your lives and I'm sure your happy memories of times with him will keep you going.

By the way something sad happened to us on the exact same day - it was the end of our skiing holiday to Austria which was one of my best ever :@)

With my condolences and best wishes,
Daniel x

Claire said...

Thanks Daniel, I appreciate your kind words and will pass on your condolences to Craig.

Here's hoping your holiday in Austria will be one of many great ski trips.

Claire
x