Grief

My father in law died yesterday.

A week ago today we were called to hospital. We were shown straight into the relatives room and for a moment thought we were too late. In some respects we were too late. He was unconscious and never did regain consciousness. Doctors told us his body was closing down, he wouldn't survive; we knew what to expect.

Two days later I went on holiday, with the children, leaving Craig home alone.

How did that happen? How on earth did I come to leave my husband when I knew he was travelling to the hospital every day to watch his father slip away? It happened because he told me to, and for once, I shut up and accepted that perhaps he did have a deeper understanding of his feelings than I have of them.

I agreed to adopt his views and wishes, in relation to a situation which affected him first and foremost. I managed to resist the urge to superimpose my feelings, and what would be my wishes, onto the situation.

So what did I do all week?

I ate charred potatoes cooked in an open fire in the woods.



I went to bed very early and wrote reams of thoughts, feelings, ideas and dreams.



I paused to look at pretty patterns.




I made apple crumble at a luxurious pace, with a cheeky glass of chardonnay on the side.




I wondered at the beauty that is nature..



..and how all things leave their imprint on this world that we live in.



I found solace in a sock - and Miles had a spanking new pair all done and dusted to travel home in!



I'm thankful that my father in law had, by and large, the life I think he wished for. I'm also glad that even a sad situation like this can reveal something really positive to me.

Cheers Ronnie! I'll raise a glass to you this night, and having listened to your boy, am back where I belong, feeling recharged and ready to give freely of myself. Sleep tight. xx