Never satisfied?

I'm feeling rather cross with myself. Despite having had a really great weekend I just don't quite feel satisfied. Sounds awful doesn't it? The children have been to a party, we've picnicked in the park, fished in the pond, ate dinner in the car under trees (something the children seem to really enjoy right now) and today lots of folks came over to help me in the garden and around the house on our local community currency scheme.

I'm not certain that 'satisfied' is the right word for it - more a sort of 'restless not quite at peace with the world' kind of feeling. I think this could be a lot to do with the fact that since Miles had his funny turn resulting in sirens and flashing blue lights the other week I've not been to my meditation group and haven't even meditated at home - usually I meditate most evenings. I just don't feel able to disconnect from the 'here and now' and allow my mind to float elsewhere. I feel I need to be on rapid response alert, ears flapping at all times. I'm not sleeping well. The momentum I had to push forward with a great home ed community art project I'm organising has waned a little. The little spark that glows inside and helps me to see all things in a positive light is not burning as bright as I would like right now.

Usually it doesn't bother me if the children have oven chips two days in a row because I'm tired, stressed, haven't shopped, generally can't be bothered or any combination of these things. I know that by and large they eat an organic wholefood diet and it's what happens most of the time that counts. It doesn't usually bother me if they listen to stories read by the bloke on the box in the corner, because I know that so often I cuddle them close and tell them tales that are heartfelt and full of the earth's wisdom. So, why am I allowing these things to bother me now? Why when I've been handed the moon do I also want the sun? I need to stoke that little flame within, see it burning bright and feel it's positive glow. I need to just let all the crap fall away and get back to just concentrating on love and truth.

Right, that's enough of that. I have had an absolutely bumper week with our local community currency group this week so I'm going to talk about that instead. I'll probably forget some of the things I have received by way of trades but here's what I can recall right now;

a huge carrier bag full of k'nex,

a sturdy wooden toy garage,

a magnetic darts board,

children's jigsaws,

a Hornby trainset (Craig's choice),

lots of children's books,

a CD of classical music for children,

the Wiggles Christmas album on CD,

North American Indian chanting rhythms on CD,

special party table cover with lots of animals on,

fresh rhubarb,

pesto bread,

loads of clothes for Miles,

board games,

home made rhubarb and ginger jam,

six home made veggie pakoras,

two courgette plants,

a pepper plant,

a clump of garlic bulbs,

a kind of geranium,

a clump of lemon balm herb,

a flags of the world sticker book,

book to show us how to make paper planes,

box of geomag stuff and more but that's all I can think of off hand.

On top of all of this folks also dug my garden today and helped with a little bit of cleaning. We have a border which I absolutely hate digging. The pesky hens (which I am yet to forgive for making their way into my pumpkin patch and eating a pumpkin plant yesterday) are forever scratching in it and it gets full of really nasty weeds ever so quickly. It's now looking fabulous and I didn't even lift a finger! Here are a few of the team in action.

Something else quite exciting is coming up on our community currency scheme soon too - a massage workshop. An experienced massage person within the group is going to show us how to massage our partners, families and friends (well, who ever you like I guess). Craig isn't keen. I think he's worried it may be some sort of group tantric sex thing. He's irritatingly British like that. I've tried to reassure him but I suspect I may well have to borrow someone elses partner closer to the time which I'd really rather not have to do - which perhaps is just a symptom of my 'Britishness'.

I don't think I've mentioned that Nana is in Canada at the moment visiting my sister. Well, she's home in a few days now and we're all ever so excited. The first few days were horrid as Hermione burst into tears regularly because Nana had gone away and now she keeps crying because she's coming back - with joy she assures me! Aww, bless her!

Right, I'm off to plan snacks and activities to keep Miles amused during Hermione's French group tomorrow.